[Vedderman]

This 32-year old piece of cannon-fodder in tight pants was a known drug user who was dating a drug trafficker and ran around in drug circles far more than is healthy in urban Brazil.

Last night, around 9:00, she received a phone call at her parents' house that excitedly informed her that a big parcel of cash was being delivered for her at the bus terminal down the street. Ecstatic at her remarkable fortune, she told her parents that Easy Street was on the horizon and put on her best platform sandals to haul that tight little ass to the bus stop.

What transpired there will forever be unknown to scholars and fools alike, but we can all probably assume that the ship she was hoping for did not come in. Whether or not she met with and received money from someone at the bus stop, the fact is that she turned around and began the walk home only moments after arriving.

Unfortunately for her, it would appear that the phone call and associated jaunt to the mass transit hub were only a clever ruse to lure her out of the house for nefarious purposes. Halfway home she blundered headlong into a an ambuscade so clever and unpredictable that Sun Tzu himself would surely have been flummoxed. Armed men converged upon her from an adjacent alley, brandishing firearms and ill intent.

Witness statements provided by a passing car said that the girl looked surprised and horrified to see men approaching her. They were clearly unexpected. She turned to run, but the bullets were quicker. She took one shot in the shoulder and another in the side of the face as she spun, then dropped to the concrete and died on her back. Death was probably almost instant due to the headshot.

No one is particularly certain who set her up or why. If there was money (unlikely), it was not on the scene when the cops arrived. Was it the dirty drug-dealing beau? One of his enemies? One of hers? Who can say. Not especially likely that they'll be putting a crack team of coppers on it to find out, either.

Anyway, here she is, dead in the street with a bullet to the head and another to the shoulder, fired from point blank range.

Thanks, as is often the case, to esteemed contributor Etsu, who graciously alerted me to the case and contributed some of the images.

[dogleg818]

Dirty crack whore!

[cortdb]

cannon-fodder! lmao
nice one
edit: after reading the rest, your one funny mother fucker. I dunno if you wrote that but if you did, my hats off to you.

[William May]

Very clever narration!

[><0300><]

she had diarrhea due to the amount of excrement that dribbled out of shit-for-brains head

[Vedderman]

Thanks, cortdb and William May. :) I appreciate your comments on the narrative.

I use a mix of half-assed language skills and translation software to get the facts straight, usually correlating between 2 and 5 sources for continuity when I can. Then I write my own narrative, keeping the facts intact but (from time to time) making the story itself more entertaining than a typical journalistic read.

I do this both because it is fun and because I think it is important to maintain a sense of levity (perverse and macabre as it may be) when viewing this shit so often. Sprinkling some gallows humor into the mix improves everyone's experience, in my mind, though it does take a much longer time to write this shit up than it would if I just copy/pasted the translations directly.

The words are all my own, but credit for the spirit of the whole thing really goes to the late Miguel Ángel Rodríguez, the long-time editor for a famous Mexican magazine called Alarma! We spoke often during the last few years of his life. He was a firm believer in achieving levity through dark humor in his magazine and that accounted for much of its popularity down there. I always loved his style of writing about horrible atrocities with a wry slant, so I try to pay him a bit of homage by taking the time to do the same when I make my posts here.

I'm not so clever as he was, I don't think. But I have fun and I'm always glad to hear that others do, as well.

[VoodooViper]

Vedderman!

Your Narration! Is An Absolute Sensation!
Bringing Forth, Wit! Humor! And! Adulation!

As We Go Forth With Thee, Realizing Your Levity!
It Sets Forth Our Reality of Thy Reality From Thee!

As Sun Tzu Once Told Me, Life Is Never A Dream!
But A Dream, Life Is the Reality!

So, Thanks To Vedderman For Thee! Is the Man Indeed!

May the Force Be With Thee!
And Thy Force Help Us Through Our Reality!...

[vagabond]

Thanks, Vedderman, for another highly entertaining biopic into the night life of a Brazilian resident. Or are we in Mexico?

[Vedderman]

Originally Posted by vagabond ↗

Thanks, Vedderman, for another highly entertaining biopic into the night life of a Brazilian resident. Or are we in Mexico?

Brazil for this one.

[Kelseecat65]

cannon-fodder