[Pink.]

HAMMOND, Louisiana — Onlookers passing through the student union on the campus of Southeastern Louisiana University Monday morning were subjected to the cries of hundreds of detained squirrels set to be shipped north later this week to be sold into captivity.

The pilot program, which will save the university an estimated $500,000, could spell trouble for other small animals that call campus their home if the measures are adopted next semester.

“Think of all the nuts and pecans we’ll be able to sell by this time next year,” President John Crain told HAN, licking his lips. “A squirreless Southeastern could make us the largest exporter of walnuts in the South.”

While some have questioned the rationale of the program, the President maintains that the student body has offered no useful solution to the budget crisis.

“That’s simply not true,” states Joel Traygate, a sophomore majoring in general studies and a recipient of a full football scholarship. “I’ve written countless articles for The Lions Roar questioning the value of the English Department. It doesn’t produce results. One of my professors finished the semester 2-9 in getting his articles published.”

Traygate admits he will miss seeing the squirrels around campus. “Especially the ones that hang around the empty seats at Strawberry Stadium on game day,” he added.

[Xfactor]

I'll bet they come back in no time

[candymosh]

Poor squirrels

[candymosh]

They need to take that dude down