[gimlet]

At least drunken Russian Santa doesn't steal your shit!

"Wuz de nite befo Crimmus
And all ower da hood
ereybody wuz sleeping
Dey wuz sleepin' good.

We hunged up our stockings
An hoped like de' heck
That old Santa Clause
Be bringin' our check.

All o'de fambily
Wuz layin in de beds
While Ripple and Thunderbird
Danced through dey heads.

I passed out inna' flo'
Right nex to my Maw
When I heard sech a fuss
I thunk: "It mus be de law!!!

I looked out thru de bars
What covered my doe
'spectin' de sheriff
Wif a warrent fo sho.

And what did I see;
I said, "Lawd look at dat!"
Ther' wuz a huge watermellon
Pulled by giant warf rats.

Now ober all de years
Santa Clause, he be white
But looks liken us bros
Gets a black Sanna dis nite.

Faster dan a Po'lees car
My home boy he came
He whupped on dem warf rats
An' called dem by name.

On Leroy, on Lonzo
And on Willie Lee
On Saphire, on Chenequa
Dey wuz a site to see.

As he landed dat watta'mellon
Out der in da skreet
I knwed it was fo' sho'
Da damndest site I ebber did see.

He didn't go down no chimbley
He picked da' lock on my doe
An' I sez to myself
Shit! He done dis befoe."

He had dis big bag
Full of prezents I 'xpect
Wid Air Jordans and fake gold
to wear roun' my neck.

But he left no good prezents
Jus started stealing my shit
Got my drugs, got my guns
Even got my burglars's kit.

Wit my stuff in de bag
Out da windo he flewed
I woudda' tried to catched him
But he stoled my 'nife too.

He jumped on dat wadda'mellon
An' whipped out a switch
He wuz gone in a seccon'
Dat son of a bitch!!

Next year I be hopin'
Anutha Sanna we git
Cuz' diz here Sanna Clause
Jus' ant' werf a shit!!!"

[sexpig4u]

Wasn’t there a movie about this?

[marcos_69]

Stupid reindeer were supposed to swoop by and pick him up. Timing is everything in this business.

[gimlet]

Originally Posted by sexpig4u ↗

Wasn’t there a movie about this?

Yes, it's called "Bad vs. Vlad", Bad Santa played by Billy Bob Thornton runs afoul of Putin's regime with hilarious consequences...

[houseoftechno]

Originally Posted by ironmike ↗

and he laughed? the fuck?

I admit. I would have laughed too. Irony in real life feels like a gift from the heavens.

[docfr8]

Originally Posted by pokerplay ↗

Yippee ki yah

I see where you were going with this Hans Gruber

[x68000]

Looks like Christmas is cancelled. Serves the drunk fat bastard right.

[U.B.Hotch]

Originally Posted by docfr8 ↗

~Oh the weather outside is frightful from the 24th floor delightful..

He really had a no way to show.
He let it go, let it go, let it go~

Brilliant!

[mothmon]

The russians must have their brains wired differently because even I wouldn't laugh at that... unless I watched it in a video on DR

Reminds me slightly of that old video here of the evil guy laughing at the child hanging from a ferris wheel screaming for his life until he lost his grip and plummeted to his death. Russia, of course

[akham]

Originally Posted by docfr8 ↗

I see where you were going with this Hans Gruber

Hans down the best Christmas movie ever.