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#12
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05-29-2011, 12:59 PM
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 ]~Resident Asshole~[ Poster Rank:294 Stands to Pee Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 4,333 Mentioned: 12 Post(s) Quoted: 2203 Post(s)
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Re: Santa Isn't Coming This Year.
update..... Tijuana, Mexico- Mexican officials announced an arrest had been made following the brutal murder of Santa Clause late Friday night. Mexican police conducted a daring raid into a heavily fortified drug house just outside the city early this morning searching for suspects in the beating death of Santa. Police chief Jose Cuervo stated "This is just the tip of the iceberg in a narcotics traffiking network that stretches from the cocaine fields of South America all the way to the north pole". Santa Clause who has used the alias of Chris Kringle, had long been suspected of having ties to the Bloods streetgang, and is known to have worn the gang's colors. Allegations ranging from using slave labor of midgets at the north pole, to importing counterfeit toys from China had plagued the popular Christmas icon for decades. Sources close to the victim stated Santa had been struggling with addictions to methamphetamines and pornography in recent years, and the traffiking of drugs were simply fulfilling the Christmas wishes of well behaved drug users and junkies, and that no money had been exchanged for the narcotics. Officer Pepe Lopez speaking at a press conference said "That fat bastard never gave me a Red Ryder BB gun I asked for as a kid, and I hope he burns in hell". Lopez added "A full investigation of the ties to organized crime will be made, and the distribution ring involving mythical flying reindeer will be transferred to another un-named Mexican cartel who actually donate to my campaign for governor." A detective who wished to remain anonymous confirmed that drugs were found on the body of the deceased Santa and that toxicology reports showed several illicit drugs in his system including marijuana, meth, and cocaine. "How else could a fat old motherfucker make deliveries around the world in a single night?" he asked in a broken English/Spanglish dialect. Sources close to investigation said more arrests in the slaying are expected and that the flow of drugs will be resumed as quickly as possible. Santa's widow, Mrs Clause still refused to comment. |
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#14
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05-29-2011, 02:20 PM
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 My Rank: MASTER GUNNERY SERGEANT Poster Rank:354 i am a goddess. Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 3,508 Mentioned: 1 Post(s) Quoted: 58 Post(s)
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Re: Santa Isn't Coming This Year.
maybe the prostitute he was with discovered he wasn't hung like a donkey after all......now i won't get that heat seeking missile launcher i wanted for crimbo....and i've been a good girl too..booohoo...  |
