[heathercuomo]

Shannon (the secretary) has lost her cat and has asked David (the graphic
designer) to help with a lost poster. This is their email correspondence...

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Poster

Hi
I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been
missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could
make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it
around my suburb this afternoon.



This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is
black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my
phone number.
Thanks Shan.

____________________________

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
That is shocking news. Luckily I was sitting down when I read your email and
not half way up a ladder or tree. How are you holding up? I am surprised you
managed to attend work at all what with thinking about Missy out there cold,
frightened and alone... possibly lying on the side of the road, her back legs
squashed by a vehicle, calling out "Shannon, where are you?"
Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will,
of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy
return of Missy.
Regards, David.

____________________________

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Poster

yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine.
I have to leave at 1pm today.

____________________________

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
I never said I don't like cats. Once, having been invited to a party, I went
clothes shopping beforehand and bought a pair of expensive G-Star boots.
They were two sizes too small but I wanted them so badly I figured I could
just wear them without socks and cut my toenails very short. As the party
was only a few blocks from my place, I decided to walk. After the first block,
I lost all feeling in my feet. Arriving at the party, I stumbled into a guy named
Steven, spilling Malibu & coke onto his white Wham 'Choose Life' t-shirt, and
he punched me. An hour or so after the incident, Steven sat down in a chair
already occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and snarled causing
Steven to leap out of the chair, slip on a rug and strike his forehead onto
the corner of a speaker; resulting in a two inch open gash. In its shock, the
cat also defecated, leaving Steven with a foul stain down the back of his
beige cargo pants. I liked that cat.
Attached poster as requested.
Regards, David.


____________________________

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how
come the photo of Missy is so small?

____________________________

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
It's a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.
Regards, David.

____________________________

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional
over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can
you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please. Thanks.

____________________________

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed
you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not
welcome constructive criticism. I don't come downstairs and tell you how
to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I am
willing to overlook this faux pas due to you no doubt being preoccupied with
thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way home across busy intersections
or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills with water. I spent three days
down a well once but that was just for fun. I have amended and attached
the poster as per your instructions.
Regards, David.



____________________________

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole
photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I
just want it to say Lost.

____________________________

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster



____________________________

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost
and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name.
Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it
was your cat I would help you. Thanks.

____________________________


From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Awww

Dear Shannon,
I don't have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend's cat for a week but
after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty
litter, I kept the cat in a closed cardboard box in the shed and forgot about
it. If I wanted to feed something and clean faeces, I wouldn't have put my
mother in that home after her stroke. A week later, when my friend came to
collect his cat, I pretended that I was not home and mailed the box to him.
Apparently I failed to put enough stamps on the package and he had to
collect it from the post office and pay eighteen dollars. He still goes on
about that sometimes, people need to learn to let go.
I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.
Regards, David.



____________________________

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Awww

Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I
gave you a photo of my cat.

____________________________

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Awww

I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of
several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this.
If anybody calls and says "I haven't seen your orange cat but I did find a
black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?"
you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.
I knew someone who had a basset hound that had its hind legs removed
after an accident and it had to walk around with one of those little buggies
with wheels.. If it had been my dog I would have asked for all its legs to be
removed and replaced with wheels and had a remote control installed. I could
charge neighbourhood kids for rides and enter it in races. If I did the same
with a horse I could drive it to work. I would call it Steven.
Regards, David.

____________________________

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Please just use the photo I gave you.

____________________________

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww



____________________________

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you
even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please
remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan.

____________________________

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww



____________________________

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten
minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.

____________________________


From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww



____________________________

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Fine. That will have to do.

[Maoh1349]

OMG I'm dying,that guy is so awesome!

[RogueTrader]

Brilliant!!

Lol I think I'm in love with David Thorne. *swoons*

[heathercuomo]

Originally Posted by RogueTrader ↗

Brilliant!!

Lol I think I'm in love with David Thorne. *swoons*

hahahaha, i know i am!

[Viking64]

David is funny, but he is still a prick. I would laugh at him while kicking his ass. And the boots two sizes too small? What a homo!!

[cutler]

that is funny as hell...wonder if it was real.
either way..great post

[Gaia]

*falls off chair laughing*

[johnleeknoefler]

David is cool. Missy is still a cat at the end of the day and cats don't do well outdoors. I hate cats that are outdoors. I hate cats that are indoors and crap in a box. I hate cats that crap in places where people want to be. I hate cat pee. I hate cat hair. I think I just hate cats.

[Ranokoa]

OMG! You ass hole! I haven't cried in years and the last tear I shed was for my dead cat two years ago, and that was one. I can't stop tearing I'm laughing to god damned hard! I LOVE YOU!

~Ranokoa

[heathercuomo]

Originally Posted by Ranokoa ↗

OMG! You ass hole! I haven't cried in years and the last tear I shed was for my dead cat two years ago, and that was one. I can't stop tearing I'm laughing to god damned hard! I LOVE YOU!

~Ranokoa