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#1
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11-08-2018, 03:20 PM
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 My Rank: MASTER SERGEANT Poster Rank:578 mc² Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 1,699 1,699Posts 3,058Thanked 299Quoted 1Mentioned 0Contrib. |
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Inconsolable Jeff Sessions Tries To Commit Suicide By Smoking Joint
WASHINGTON—Following months of bruising criticism from Democrats and President Trump alike, an inconsolable Jeff Sessions was reportedly trying to commit suicide Thursday by smoking a joint. “I swore I’d never take the coward’s way out, but what choice do I have?” said a teary-eyed Sessions, carefully laying a sealed envelope containing his farewell note on a tool bench in his garage as he raised a lighter to the marijuana cigarette with trembling hands. “This is it. I’ve taken four puffs to make sure there’s no chance of survival. It should only be a matter of minutes now. Oh, what a wretched, ignominious ending. Goodbye, cruel world, I’m sorry I’ve failed you so.” At press time, Sessions reportedly realized he had died after being overcome by a euphoric, floating feeling.
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#3
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11-09-2018, 01:10 PM
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 My Rank: MAJOR Poster Rank:74 I am the "D" in "Vagina" Join Date: Jun 2017 Posts: 20,765 20,765Posts 37,730Thanked 9,625Quoted 17Mentioned 0Contrib. |
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Re: Inconsolable Jeff Sessions Tries To Commit Suicide By Smoking Joint
If only.
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