[SneakySniper169]

This is the average day in my life and I thought it would be interesting to write about because not many people experience what I do. I haven't chosen a proper way to edit this and I do not want to spend too much time on it because I like writing off the top of my head. I hope you enjoy.

*wake up*

I awake to thinking vulgar things off the bat. Most of the time I have negative thoughts about my family who has passed and the thoughts of me being an evil person. The most common word I hear is "commit suicide or "Psychopath". I don't get why but let's move on. During the day I find myself able to block these thoughts out by playing fortnite or doing something else, It's tolerable til I am off to work

*at work*

I constantly hear these voices which I perceive as dead relatives. The dead relatives tell me to shut the fuck up about calling yourself a psychopath. I ponder on the emotions I have felt in the past or the lack of them I have felt. A lot of the time I realized I felt differently about people then I did from a prolonged state of sensitivity but that doesn't stop the bullshit. All day long till the end of the work day and even after I hear this. Think about how my death would affect my family and I am usually so aggravated I don't really care how it would. I kill myself in so many different ways I can't believe I am alive. Then I get home

*Home*

I come home and try to sleep but sometimes the thoughts keep me up at night so I try to sleep and most of the time, If I am tired enough I go right to sleep. Sometimes I can't. Sometimes I have dreams, They are mostly following no particular order. They happen as they will. Last night I had a dream that I was back in the institution and it was shitty. They are usually better then that. So that is me talking about my day in a nutshell. Good shit does happen but not always but I try to keep a good outlook on things and however shit happens, It happens.

Author note

If you are ever having the blues or are really depressed just message me and I will talk you through it. Life is hard but that doesn't mean you have to go through it alone. I'm always one click away.

[daughterofthenight]

I’m not currently dealing with voices *knocks wood* but I have had to periodically during my life. When the depression takes me down low enough I have had psychotic breaks. It’s a bitch. I just wanted to let you know you’ve been heard, you’re not alone. I hope you are ok right now. This current period of social isolation may be helpful for some, and harmful for others; I hope you are part of the former. Social Isolation works fine for me, it’s pretty much how I live anyway. ������

[soja]

Yea man I understand what its like. I been thru some dark shit, visions of suicide and battles wit demons.

Keep writing, all the time, whenever you can. What really helped me was writing it all down...kinda made everything real, in a way...a place my life was recorded, a legacy of my mind. It was really fun and extremely embarrassing to revisit my past entries over the years.

I hope you can continue to find a reason to fight on every day, never surrender to the demons, bro. never. don't ever forget the very real and significant impact you have on the people who love you, and if nobody loves you, you can love yourself and give out love into the world and it will eventually find its way back to you and you will remember its not always so cold....thats the kinds bs that helps me thru it all at least, haha.

[SneakySniper169]

Thank you all for the kind words. Some things have changed. I totally forgot I even posted this lol. My life was crazy without meds. It still is but not as bad.

[Weiland]

I feel ya, man. I used to be extremely psychotic and mentally ill during my adolescence. It's not as bad now that I'm on meds. I'm 21 at the moment and lately I've not been feeling as stressed/suicidal/depressed so I don't become psychotic very often. I still get the typical 'schizo' repetitive movements and mannerisms, as well as the negative symptoms (lack of motivation, blunt affect, etc). It's no good. I tend to just escape in the world of the internet and literature. That's the key to escaping the schizo problems in my case.
I'm glad you're doing better, though. I wish you well, friendo.