[khathryn]

My former step-kids were abused and neglected by their biological mom. It was mostly emotional, but the occasional physical abuse as well, and there was plenty of neglect. I'd known their mother since kindergarten, and had always considered her a friend, but it took me a good long while to forgive her for the damage she did to those kids.

She is a highly intelligent, fiercely loyal, loving, warm person. But she suffers with bipolar disorder, and when the kids were little (we got custody when they had just turned 3 and 5), she was totally overwhelmed. The older kiddo is autistic, and at that time, showed signs of full-blown autism (though he's considerably higher up on the scale now - not quite aspergers, but similar), and the younger had an attachment disorder. Anyway, this woman was overwhelmed, and her family support sucked. She had been to plenty of doctors and tried many medications to manage the bipolar, and they'd all work for a while, but then they'd stop. So she was self-medicating with alcohol much of the time. She loved the kids. She truly did (and still does, btw), but she was just not able to be the parent she needed to be at the time. She realized, eventually, that she wasn't going to be able to pull herself together, and she voluntarily gave their dad custody. I was lucky enough to be their full-time mom for almost six years before their dad and I divorced.

When we got custody, the kids were infested with fleas. The five year old had a vocabulary of about 50 words. The 3yo would throw a fit when she wanted ANYTHING. A drink. To go to bed. A toy. She didn't realize that there was a way to obtain something without screaming and crying. My heart was torn in two when I saw just how broken the kids were. The 5yo was suicidal. A suicidal 5yo is enough to rip anyone's heart out of their chest. It took a couple of years, but I finally got them glued back together. I put the 5yo in counseling, got the autism diagnosed, started him on meds for ADHD (severe case and most definitely a safety risk to NOT have him on meds at the time), and worked night and day with him on communication skills, emotional skills, and schoolwork. I worked on emotional bonding and communication skills with the little one. I cried myself to sleep almost every single night for the first year and a half we had the kids, afraid I'd never be able to put the pieces together for them.

I explained to them WHY mommy had a messy house, and WHY mommy got mad for no reason and yelled at them or hurt them, and WHY mommy couldn't get off the couch to fix them food. I explained that even though she loved them, she was sick, and the kind of sickness she had made it very difficult to be a good mommy sometimes. We lived in another state from their mom, but we called her weekly and did video chats online when we could. I didn't want them to think that they had been abandoned on top of everything else. When she wanted to see the kids, I'd determine her mental stability at the time. If she wasn't doing well, she was welcome to come to our home for as long as she wanted (sometimes a week or more) to visit them. If she wanted to get a motel room, that was fine, but the kids stayed in our home. If she wanted to stay WITH us, that was fine as well. If she was in a good place, mentally, she could take the kids. I didn't ever explain to the kids or their mom what I was doing, but since their mom didn't question it, it was all good.

In recent years, when I've discussed the past with their mom (the kids are now both teenagers and doing well), she was absolutely SHOCKED when I told her that the kids were flea-infested when we got custody. She was SHOCKED when I told her that I had personally witnessed the boy, 4 at the time, walk up and ask for a hug, only to get slapped and told she wished he'd never been born. She was SHOCKED when I told her that he had hoarded food and he had had to fend for his 2yo sister at the time. She literally didn't know what she had been doing. She hadn't remembered any of it. She had been in that bad of a place at the time. She has thanked me over and over and over for what I did for the kids, and to this day, she still calls me Supermom. And after the first couple of years, when the kids had finally made good progress, I finally forgave her for what she had done to them, and I was able to look at her as a friend again.

So, I guess what I'm saying is that yes, child abuse is a horrid, horrid thing. But sometimes, often times, even, the parents really do love the kids. They just can't be good parents. There are other times, like in cases like the video, where you have to wonder if demonic possession is a real possibility, because what kind of human being could do that to a child. But often, the kids are broken by parents who simply can't cope.

[khathryn]

And yes, I still have contact with the kids, and they still call me Mama.

[Noid]

Originally Posted by khathryn ↗

Oh my gods. I was sharing a personal story, and I had typed a good six paragraphs when I accidentally hit a button and lost it all! GRRRR!

[Noid]

lol and i was just saying how sorry i was that happened to you and it got deleted.

[Noid]

My parents never taught me to be honest, but rather trained me like you would a dog.. using mind manipulation and pain to explain rules rather than why those rules were important. I have never hugged either of them. For punishments for such things as coming out of my room or being heard, my mother would throw away any toys I had become attached to so I learned very early not to admit any emotion or feelings toward anything. It would make that toy, or pet a target. My parents often would sit around and make fun of other people for displaying human emotion in public.. sometimes I wonder if they were human at all. Called "the robot" in school, oh yea and bulb head for other reasons, I refused to have real friends, and talking about things i enjoyed did not happen. If someone knew a colour i liked even, to me, they knew half my soul. I remember studying for tests with my dad.. if i answered a question right.. i got a piece of candy..if i answered wrong..beaten.. with a old oak wooden spoon that left football shaped welts everywhere .. I got good grades, but was terrified of even telling my parents if i had an assignment or test. Boarding school.. saved my life i think.

[khathryn]

Originally Posted by Noid ↗

My parents never taught me to be honest...

I'm so sorry. That's one hell of a way to grow up.

[luciddrmr]

[Iarya]

Noid I sympathize, I learned early on to not cry cause then they knew how to hurt you. I too watch these videos but only when alone so I can cry freely. I do not seem to be able to pass those stories by, it's like I am being disrespectful to not honor those who did not make it. I cry for them, I cry for the little girl who learned while still in the crib that crying gave them weapons and ammunition.

[xxfemmefatalityxx]

I see a lot of these videos around the internet. They always hurt my heart to no end. I have 2 daughters (3 1/2 years and 3 1/2 months) and parenting it hard....really hard. And there are times where I've felt like I couldn't do it anymore and I was tired and frustrated and even angry. But I couldn't imagine being so angry that I would purposely hurt my own child. I've had to walk out of the room, but never put my hands on them in anger. I just can't fathom it.

[TheFallOfTroyML]

reading your storys, and the things you and loved ones had to go trough, makes me really sad that i dont appreciated my parents way more.
i had a wonderful childhood, and even if we didnt have much money my parents would rather not eat for one or two days just so we can go on a trip with the school. there were hard times, but now, growing older and ... wiser (lol) i see that they absolutely loved me as much as you could love someone, and they did everything to make me happy and a good person.

i now feel very lucky to have such parents, and reading your really horrible storys of your own upbringing isnt easy to take. it happens way more than i was able to see.

i hope all of you now have a better, a great life and dont walk the same path. i wish you all the best, you really deserve a fantastic future for the past you had to endure.