[b1gpoppa]

Originally Posted by Padraig Flaherty ↗

That's two vids on this site, where a man is executed whilst bearing their child! Weird...

Speaking of bearing children, it brings to mind the time (in my paramedic years) when I had to help a woman deliver her baby en route to the ED.

She was a large African American woman, of considerable girth, and when I say considerable, I mean her ass has its own postcode - and unlike the Great Wall of China, you actually could have seen this thing from space.

Amongst the screaming and hollering, which was louder than our own siren, things were happening fast - and I mean fast. When I flung back her MuMu dress, I was surprised - as like several episodes of Games of Thrones, a good crowning was happening.

That wasn't what shocked me though. What shocked me was that upon lifting said MuMu - it revealed a yawning chasm that was part "black hole of Calcutta" and part "Predator face" …… and, it was MASSIVELY VERJAZZLED !.

Let me tell you, those poor diamantes and fake rubicon stones were probably meant to make her feel classy - but by the time the head of the baby was coming out, it looked more like a montage of Mick Jaggers lips trying to eat a baby hippo whole.

The funniest thing though was that when the baby finally arrived - it had one of the diamante's perfectly attached to its forehead - as if it were a little indian diety. Laugh ??? LAUGH ??? I, like the new mother, shat myself.

After we delivered the baby, I offered that little bundle of joy a "blessing" - consisting of a book of food stamps, and a long lecture about not expecting "reparations" from anybody in my family tree …….. then I watched them get wheeled away towards the maternity ward, upon which I yelled out:

"Hang on, I've accidently wrapped up the afterbirth and given it to you - the baby is still here on the floor !!" What am I, hey ??