[Airbornemama]

Well I hope you stay at A good place, and everyone's entiltled to an oppinion whether it matches your's or not!

[eternal]

HUGGLES. Sweetie, you are so brave and so strong. I know a lot of us are very proud of you.

[Spiffyfable]

18 and what you've been though

My life didn't go to shit until my early 20's. Prison was at 27. Tell ya what... I stumbled a few time at your age, crashed and burned in my late 20's and early 30's.

Now I'm 37, have two degrees, RYT 200, and have a Professional License and job. I have jumped higher out of my self dug hole
than those without any holes that people can dig for themselves.

Your way of thinking is just you being in a hole that you've dug for yourself. No one can help you except for You. I say... Go to school, take YOGA or TAI CHI, and get your shit back on track (which is very hard I know). The only alternative way is the easy way... Death or the Good Old living a shitty life for the next 20 years before you realize it's too late to change it and wished you would have NOW!

Peace and Good Luck

[salma]

depression is extremely painful for the patient and for the family. i pray for your complete recovery. i hope you never look back again and i hope you have a wonderful future. ameen

[mintycbo]

I wasn't going to comment on this post..It is a sensitive subject.
This is just one of the things I've done in my younger years. (1993-1998, I'm 32 years old now.)
I had felt different than others all of my life.
Just didn't look at things like a normal person, seen all outcomes in a negative way. Pessimist? perhaps.
I had not been able to sleep, missing school just about everyday.
Started when I was about 12 years old (1992). Was diagnosed by psychatrists as Severely emotionally disturbed (back in those days..if you had any kind of mental distress, the Doctors/school doctors diagnosed you as such.)
When I had turned 13, A doctor told me I was Depressed and had anxiety,me being young, I laughed at him.."What? depressed? I'm smiling at you." Prescribed me sinequan and zoloft...and around that time I was also getting into the beginning of my drinking and drugging..year goes by,drinking taking the pills, smoking pot..kids things etc..got mad at my girlfriend for no reason..start cutting myself..happened a few times..one night, got upset with my gf...decided I'm going out..gonna party and get messed up, was 15 yrs old..taking my pills..lots of em (about 56 sinequan namely)..drinking, smoking pot, took a couple pain killers..go home..she's there..pass out..wake up 3 days later in the ICU...spend the week there, then 3 weeks in the psych ward..fun stuff. get home..no more pills..(other than recreational ones painkillers etc..none that the doc prescribed me..infact..same doctor refused to see me anymore after my incident) years go by..like every few months..would get upset about something..cut..get drunk do some other mind altering substance..cut..eventually stopped the cutting..but had PLENTY of thoughts of other self harm..age 20-23..abusing every drug I can get my hands on..smoking about 1/2 ounce of pot a day along with whatever comes by..23-28..was on probation for possesion of marijuana, couldn't smoke no more due to drug testing, so in turn I started drinking more. got off of probation and quit smoking pot..too much anxiety..just went heavy on the booze..became an "If-I'm-awake-I'm-drinking" thing..got myself in trouble with the law soooo many times..(by the time I was 20 was in jail 3 times) was not unusual to spend a night in the drunk tank..my driver's license was suspended from age 15 to 28 yrs old..well..when I was 27, 2 things had happened that had caused a turning point in my life..(one more than the other) First, was having a lot of health problems..mental and physical, anxiety was insane..was afraid to leave the house..couldn't go to crowded places etc..and I was bruising/bleeding SUPER easily..would have 2-5 nosebleeds a day, not little spotty ones..but like a faucet..just felt like death (stomache/abodomen)..went to doctor, did tests on me. labwork etc..week later get a letter in the mail that I had 2-3 years tops to live if I continued my lifestyle and that I should enter a rehab. Of course that didn't fly..went to one..took a case of malt liquor with me in my clothing I had in garbage bags, I had a pre-existing injury on my right knee (I had stopped working and started drinking more due to this, eventually losing my job of 6+ years,house,belongings etc. had to move in with a family member..who also was my enabler..anyway.)
In rehab they gave me a bunch of detox medicine mainly benzos,mood stabilizers etc..and I was hiding in a room and drinking only to come out to get more meds, smoke a cigarette,use the restroom..between the drugs,booze and my knee..fell down the stairs..so..to the hospital and out of rehab I went. Back home..girlfriend said let's go to this rehab, had me wait all day. finally show up 12 hours later to take me there..I told em to piss off..month later..THE second part I got arrested for something that could have me looking at 5 years jail time..I go to the courthouse for my first hearing..drunk..beer in a back pack..made it through security..drinking in courthouse, go in,,scream profanities at judge. 14 days in jail for contempt..get out..15 minutes go get more booze..drink every day up to my next hearing,was up all night drinking/girlfriend etc..bag of beer again..this time..had a change of heart, left it outside in the snow..went in..manned up..said to myself it is time to end this..Judge asked if I was drinking, said had a few..but not drunk..(Really didn't feel buzzed at this point even), breathalizer..0.40 ..sent me to the jail, 2 days later sick as hell on detox meds, sentences me, asked me if I had anything to say? I asked to go to Rehab (and I meant it). He replied, "Ok, I'll send you to rehab..but first you must serve 3 months,1 month for contempt (second time in court drunk) and 2 months for the initial charge, and 1 year of parole". sat my 3 months, went to Rehab for 3 months. year of parole served,been getting my act together from there since.
I'm now 3 years, 10 months sober, have an 8 month old baby with the woman I have been with for almost 7 years now (she has played a large role in my recovery..weird..quiet,good girl..she hooked up with the loser that I was when I was in my alcoholocaust.), own my house, got my driver's license, 2012 vehicle (chevy sonic..but it's a new car atleast..lol).
I do see a counselor on a weekly basis, and I also see a psychologist on a monthly basis. Family doctor is a regular thing..and I've had 5 surgeries aswell since. (That lifestyle does take a toll on you...heh)
Psychologist diagnosed me Bi-polar, anxiety disorder, and I.E.D. (I.E.D. or Intermittent explosive disorder is an anger disorder..which makes sense , because when I would self harm, would be out of anger/depression)

Why did I type all that?
Because you are young, and I know there is help and hope out there..
And wanted to share what I been through in hopes of helping someone else out who is younger than I myself.

I know there was nothing in your post about drugs/alcohol..but, was part of my problem. sometimes things lead to other things.
(I do have a fair ammount of scaring from cutting/burning, so I know where you're coming from there..mine would be out of anger or to cause pain to take pain away)


Sorry for the TL;DR post..hehe

Best of luck.

[Darkest Angel]

Noone but u can know what u are truly going thru, so some just simply would not understand. But by & large, u have gotten some good advice here along with moral support. It helps to get it all out. Stay strong! U can do it

[SSA181]

I've suffered from SH since i was about 5 or 6. Had a rough time and i'm now 34 and have been diagnosed with PTSD and BPD. I know exactly where you're coming from. It does and can get easier but you'll need help to get through it

[chailatte]

Yea I think most ppl on here have some sort of psychological issues (I'm bi-polar myself)

[mrsthomason]

cutting yourself is the stupidest thing ever. and putting it online for attention if just retarded. get a freakin life.

[grimekeepa]

When I was in my teens and early adulthood I was a self harmer. More substance and causing pain by breaking knuckles/hands on surfaces too hard to be punching. So I too like others understand your mindset a bit. I even got "Life Is Pain" tattooed on the nape of my neck. Simply meaning that you have to feel pain to truly know you are alive, and that life will cause you to hurt no matter how well you plan. Just know that you don't hurt alone. I hope one day you can find something that helps you release inner hurt without causing outer wounds. I know you will find it if you try and really want that for yourself.