(News reporter:) "Wrapped in what appears to be a trash bag with packing tape, a middle aged man was found dead after farting in his bag. And the city corneners office said he died of affixiation."
He died of Dumbfuk-ation!
2. If you're going to insert something into an orifice, make sure it's attached to a string.
3. If you're going to choke yourself out in any way, make sure you have a partner to make sure you don't end up being found in such a compromising position.
4. If you're female, let that partner be Firedog25.