[joethurr]

How long u been at this job? if u dont mind me asking.. tryin ot rake up some statistics..

[grimekeepa]

Originally Posted by J1 Reduction Pissneck ↗

Sorry, forgot to copy that original post! Here it is...
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Dated June, 2009
I'm a locomotive engineer by profession (hence my username, if you're a railroader, you'd understand it.), and I can tell you the one thing that ALWAYS surprises me most when we have a suicide, is the "victim's" complete and utter commitment to the act. In four years at the throttle, I've had six suicides (not including today), and two more before that while I was a conductor), and I've never even heard of someone do so much as flinch when they jump onto the tracks. They're never half-hearted... they ALWAYS do it! Truly mind-boggling human behavior.

This particular video posted HERE gets to me so much more than the 'gory aftermath' images elsewhere on this site. Gore is gore is gore... but seeing someone's eyes at the moment they've chosen to end their life is something that continues to haunt me ever since my first "trespasser incident" several years ago. The railroad graciously offers three days off, and a meeting with a totally useless and clueless PTSD counselor... yeah, that's totally sufficient help for dealing with continually getting a front-row seat to people's suicides!

Anyway, I visit this site because I find it very therapeutic somehow... (don’t ask me why!) and if anybody has any questions for me, I'd be very happy to answer. This is the only place I know of where I can discuss the horrors I've seen, or even my morbid fascination with the physics involved when 79-mph train meets a stationary 200 pound man. When the newspapers talk of the victims, they inevitably leave out us engineers, our conductors, and the 1st-responders on the scene. Just don't forget these suicides hurt far more people than those selfish SOB's out there killing themselves!!!

tryin' to stay sane, had my 7th fatality this week! -All my best, -"J1"

Hey RxR man,

Firstly I know what you are going through, for I have been pulled into someone else's self set mouse trap. (The nicest way I can put it) On another note, of the same conversation, I've lost 3 friends to trains over the last 2 years. Two of which, had made the choice for this outcome. It's selfish, insensitive to others, and (I think) irresponsible to put your death on who ever crosses your destructive path. But imo I think we should be able to see some sort of silver lining out of the situation, or we are no better off then the SOB that just checked out. I hope that helps in some way.......

[NDORFN]

I'm a train nut. I grew up in a house with plain view of the tracks and over my lifetime it has become what most would call an obsession. All I can say is, hats of to the engineers. And I believe if you're going to volunteerily go out, there's no better way than throwing yourself infront of a train. It's a romantic submission.

[Airbornemama]

Well I feel your anger and appreciate your sharing of your first hand point of view at Documenting Reality. It seems you have decided to just understand that this is A real and inevitable part to your job and accept it as so. It seems that after 9 suicides which you had absolutely NO control over you seem to deal well with it I suppose the best way you know how anyways. I really never thought that this would be part of A conductors job description but I guess it is. Thank you for sharing your story and also not going ape shit crazy.

[Sadisticfucker]

Trains are a pretty logical choice for a suicide. Unlike a car they are not going to swerve around you or suddenly brake short of hitting you therefore foiling their well thought out suicide plan. Trains are guaranteed 100% foolproof way to get the job done. be sure to properly hose down the undercarriage cause that shit will make your eyes water when it heats up & starts to rot. In future please keep a video recorder in your work bag as part of your essential kit. Get some footage & post it on here. keep up the good work with those trespassers and every time you get one sound the old "Air Trumpet" in victory.

[abacus]

I find hearing your part of this highly interesting. Do you have to get out and inspect the train/body after you hit someone? Not a very nice experience if you do. Im also interested to know how any of the passengers react to this happening? Do any of the hear it etc.
also did you take that pic?

[J1 Reduction Pissneck]

Lot's of good questions here! I'll try to get to 'em all as time allows.
joethurr asks: "How long u been at this job?" ---About 7 years now. 9 fatalities is a fairly high number for a railroader. Some will go a whole career and never get one, some have had 2 in one week. There's a few reasons my numbers are higher than most: 1) Here in Southern California, there are a LOT of high speed passenger trains, and they all travel through highly populated places... especially directly along the beach. For 'suiciders', I think they know if they go to the tracks, they won't have to wait long at all for a train. They also usually know the train will be traveling too fast to stop. I've worked both Amtrak medium-distance trains, and Metrolink commuter trains... Metrolink gets most of the fatalities; why? Just more trains, that's all. More than 400 trains a day over five different lines.
2) Reason 2, unlike the east coast of the US, we still have hundreds of grade crossings ("level crossings" to the rest of the world). That's just hundreds more places where trains and people mix, and when they mix??? The train generally wins.

To NDORFN: I'm a train-nut too. A 'foamer' they call us, JUST DON"T TELL ANYONE I'M A FOAMER.... I'm in the closet. The rest of the railroaders are too, just won't admit it!

To Sadisticfucker: my reply to you is pending. I take issue with your statement. I know of many many stories of people who used a train to end it all, and they're still around, albeit usually missing arms and legs.

And to Abacus: If I'm the train's conductor, I generally don't ride in the locomotive. I hear the train brakes go into emergency, then the engineer usually very calmly radios me, "Hit a girl. Killed her". At this point, I tell the passengers (PAX) we'll be delayed and I'll be updating them shortly. Then I have to go outside and locate the body. Heartbeat's pumping, you pray she's dead (you don't want to have to hold her hand and tell her it'll be okay as she dies in your arms!). The engineer radios the dispatcher and the dispatcher calls all the necessary authorities. It seems like you here sirens within just minutes. Go back inside and announce as diplomatically as possible, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've just had an incident involving a trespasser on the tracks. I'll keep you updated as we learn more".
Ok, now if I'm the engineer, then I do NOT have to ever get off the locomotive. Going back to see the damage your train did isn't good for anybody. Usually, your conductor will come up and make sure you're alright... calm you down if necessary, bring you some coffee. Cops show up... tell me to come down off the locomotive to talk to them about what I saw... "Fuck you. You come up here, I'm not moving from my seat!" Federal Railroad law states they CANNOT make me leave my locomotive unattended, and they CANNOT ask for my driver's license, drug or alcohol test, or anything like that. Of course, the railroad's own hired-nurse will find you by days end and take blood, pee, and breathylizer.

Okay, that's it for now. More answers, and maybe some more pics when I get back from my next trip. See ya! J1 Reduction Pissneck, OUT!

[wee_yumi]

Thank you so much for your point of view, I like documenting reality for its therapeutic effect as well. It's like I'm living my death through the pictures and videos here. I also live my death/get adrenaline rush by standing behind the barrier that is the closest to the tracks at level crossings, and feel the rush of turbulence as a train tumbles past me, I guess that must make the train driver pretty nervous since I might look like a potential suicide.
So my question is, is it safe to stand so close to the train? I'm behind the safety barrier, and it's probably a good 8 feet (2-3metres) from the tracks. I'd assume if they built the safety barrier for pedestrians there it must be safe, is it? Have you ever encountered people who got caught in the turbulence and somehow got sucked under? Have you ever had to hold someone's hands, as a conductor, as they died?
Awesome post, man, keep it up, you should definitely write a book about this.

[death4u]

hey j1, thx for pointing out your view of traintrack suicide...
you made at least one selfish fucker thinking over his choice of methods

[King Herald]

Some sad people collect train numbers (train spotters).

You seem to collect suicide numbers. (Blood spotters?)

I find it hard to imagine what the feel of bones crunching is like once it has passed through a 200 ton loco chassis.