[J1 Reduction Pissneck]

I've posted before when I had my 7th suicide. I'm just going to repost what I wrote nearly 2 1/2 years ago... EVERYTHING's the same, only the total numbers go up. I figured by now, I'd be ready to hang-up my overalls, but it's almost to the point where it's more of a nuisance than anything else. What's most sad (aside from the dead guy's story), is that I think over the years I've lost a real piece of my own humanity that I'll never regain. Here's the original post, along w/ a pic for you to go gaga over.

J1_Reduction_Pissneck

[Guderian1974]

What a way to kill yourself

[J1 Reduction Pissneck]

To be totally clear, in June of 2009, while at the controls of an Amtrak train operating between San Luis Obispo and Los Angeles, my train struck and killed what the railroad refers to as a "trespasser". He was in fact, a transient somewhere in his 30's or 40's who took his own life by lying down in the path of my oncoming train. I was traveling at the 'prescribed speed' of 79mph. That particular incident marked the 7th time my train had been someone's instrument of death. No part of it is my fault, there's nothing different I could have done, and although it was indeed my train that killed him, you'll notice I never say "I killed somebody", although the media seems to love to say "Amtrak Crash". BTW, after these "Amtrak Crashes", the trains are just fine... they get cleaned up and get along on their way. The news never says a "Building Crash" when somebody hits the side of a warehouse!

Anyway, since that 7th suicide a few years ago, the next fatality I was involved in was a little different. It was not a suicide. It was an "accident". It was a young man trying to beat the train in his car at a crossing. He survived. His 19 year old girlfriend did not.


It seems I then earned a bit of a break for a while, but no one's luck runs forever. Earlier this week... yet another suicide. What in the world can make someone so miserable, so lost, ...wait! Fuck that! What can make somebody so God Damned selfish than to to hurt their loved one's like that, not to mention delaying 400 people from getting to see their families on time since the train was held for three hours, and most of all, FUCK YOU, you DEAD BITCH MAKING ME A MOTHER FUCKING PART OF YOUR OWN SUICIDE. THANK YOU FOR TAKING A PERFECTLY NICE DAY OF MINE, AND FORCING ME TO WATCH YOU DIE... TO HEAR THE 'THUD' AS YOU BOUNCE OF THE PILOT/PLOW OF MY LOCOMOTIVE! THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME HEAR THE DAMNED CRUNCH OF YOUR BONES AS MY TRAIN TORE YOU TO SHREDS. THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME SMELL ALL YOUR STOMACH CONTENTS, PLUS EVERYTHING IN YOUR BOWLS ALL AT ONCE.

To her family, my most sincere sympathies. To her, again, FUCK YOU! -Your friendly locomotive engineer! J1 Reduction Pissneck

[Oswald2001]

I think I can understand your frustration at the selfishness of others.

[Pogrom]

I hope he had a penny in his pocket!

[corpsehands]

i want your job

[J1 Reduction Pissneck]

Sorry, forgot to copy that original post! Here it is...
-----------------------------------
Dated June, 2009
I'm a locomotive engineer by profession (hence my username, if you're a railroader, you'd understand it.), and I can tell you the one thing that ALWAYS surprises me most when we have a suicide, is the "victim's" complete and utter commitment to the act. In four years at the throttle, I've had six suicides (not including today), and two more before that while I was a conductor), and I've never even heard of someone do so much as flinch when they jump onto the tracks. They're never half-hearted... they ALWAYS do it! Truly mind-boggling human behavior.

This particular video posted HERE gets to me so much more than the 'gory aftermath' images elsewhere on this site. Gore is gore is gore... but seeing someone's eyes at the moment they've chosen to end their life is something that continues to haunt me ever since my first "trespasser incident" several years ago. The railroad graciously offers three days off, and a meeting with a totally useless and clueless PTSD counselor... yeah, that's totally sufficient help for dealing with continually getting a front-row seat to people's suicides!

Anyway, I visit this site because I find it very therapeutic somehow... (don’t ask me why!) and if anybody has any questions for me, I'd be very happy to answer. This is the only place I know of where I can discuss the horrors I've seen, or even my morbid fascination with the physics involved when 79-mph train meets a stationary 200 pound man. When the newspapers talk of the victims, they inevitably leave out us engineers, our conductors, and the 1st-responders on the scene. Just don't forget these suicides hurt far more people than those selfish SOB's out there killing themselves!!!

tryin' to stay sane, had my 7th fatality this week! -All my best, -"J1"

[**butterflylove**]

maybe you should take on a second job of a pointer, you would always be first on the scene and get the prime pointing position (the PPP) you would also get to decide wether or not their flip-flops were worth stealing before anyone got a chance too

[kayo brizzle]

I don't know about you, but I like a bit of dank in MY BOWL

[GanjaLoco]

Never thought about the smell from that..