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The Thought of Spending Xmas and My Birthday Alone Was Too Much.. 

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Old 01-08-2017, 10:48 PM
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The Thought of Spending Xmas and My Birthday Alone Was Too Much..

I lost my dad and only 2 brothers to suicide. After 8 months of not drinking, I was silly enough to have one which bought all my sadness back to a fresh state of mind. I've never been one to self harm but cut a 2cm slice into my hand then took myself to the hospital to have it stitched and to hopefully spend a day or 2 in the mental health unit so as not to spend the xmas period alone. They put in 2 stitches but I then lashed out and was taken to the police station to await the mental health crises team to assess me. Apparently, I tore out the stitches with my teeth and then grated the wound up and down a sharp door edge resulting in this mess. A poor decision but I was incoherent as I'd taken a lot of diazepam also. I ended up in theatre for 2 hours and subsequently spent my birthday and Xmas in hospital but at least, not alone, and alive. I'm ok now, and regret losing my way and breaking my sober run but it just goes to show that we are always vulnerable even when we think we have it all under control.

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Old 01-08-2017, 11:57 PM
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Re: The Thought of Spending Xmas and My Birthday Alone Was Too Much..

{{hugs}}

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Old 01-09-2017, 12:35 AM
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Old 01-09-2017, 01:07 AM
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Re: The Thought of Spending Xmas and My Birthday Alone Was Too Much..

Hang in there- a slip is not the beginning of the end.

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Old 01-09-2017, 02:27 AM
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Re: The Thought of Spending Xmas and My Birthday Alone Was Too Much..

damn dude , hope you can fight your demons and alcohol in the future and find a way to look at the bright side of life again

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Old 01-09-2017, 02:35 AM
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Re: The Thought of Spending Xmas and My Birthday Alone Was Too Much..

be strong brotha

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Old 01-09-2017, 02:59 AM
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Re: The Thought of Spending Xmas and My Birthday Alone Was Too Much..

Please, hang in there. I have a chronic pain condition that is under-medicated. My doctor doesn't understand that serious pain causes anxiety, sometimes to the level of a full-blown panic attack. An anxiety/panic attack are the most-frightening things I've ever known.

Here is how I fight those episodes:

1) Go outside. Getting outside of a "box" helps; otherwise, sit in front of a fan... trust me;

2) Go to your "happy place"; climbing Diamond Head with my kids is mine... it took forever, but I did it because I suspect it will be the last time

3) Don't forget the fan; it provides white-noise -and- tactical sensation that will help you breathe.

Pain really sucks and, for me, it will never go away. But learning to cope with the anxiety that accompanies the inevitable pain has helped me move forward. Good luck.

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Old 01-09-2017, 03:30 AM
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Re: The Thought of Spending Xmas and My Birthday Alone Was Too Much..

Sending virtual hugs your way! Hope this year is better for you, and remember there are people on here that acknowledge and appreciate you :)
Especially for having the balls to share this, thats an awesome view of the inside of your hand

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Old 01-09-2017, 04:01 AM
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Re: The Thought of Spending Xmas and My Birthday Alone Was Too Much..

Hang in there buddy. I guess you know what happens if you drink again. Your sharing this is a good sign.

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Old 01-09-2017, 07:16 AM
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Re: The Thought of Spending Xmas and My Birthday Alone Was Too Much..

redeyedkiwi I'm so sorry to hear about your loss and the subsequent pain you're experiencing. Coping with death and being alone is very very difficult. Especially when you've lost your loved ones in such a traumatic way.

I understand the decision you made, under the influence of diazepam or not, as have been there myself. I still am taken to that dark place and as a result, receive help. I do still have lapses in thinking and harm myself or become trapped in a depressive episode.

Have you spoken to your doctor about how you're feeling? You may be referred to the local mental health team for an assessment then go from there. Believe me, it's worth it.

Wish you all the very best and hope you find a way to help cope x

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