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Old 02-13-2007, 10:06 AM
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If your building collapses, climb under your table and practice yoga postures.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:07 AM
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Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. The current world record is 5 minutes, 12 seconds.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:07 AM
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After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:08 AM
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If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:08 AM
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If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:09 AM
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Your respiratory and digestive systems are optional. Cast them aside if you feel you no longer need them.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:10 AM
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If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:11 AM
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Survive a biohazard attack by first standing, then begging on your knees, then rolling over and playing dead.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:11 AM
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Do not drive a station wagon if a utility pole is protruding from the hood.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:12 AM
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A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation.
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